AUTO BISMAL PILEDRIVER TOUR 2003 : THE DIARY AND PICTURES

In 2003 a 25 year-old, debt-free William Flegal was invited to set out on tour under his Stunt Rock moniker along with Doormouse and Baseck. He had no new album promote and no real ambition to attract a new audience. Instead he decided to focus most of his time keeping a journal, drinking, and making sure everyone followed the map. After the tour he posted it online without proofreading it or worrying about punctuation. Years later this would embarrass him a great deal. Presented below is the original document as it appeared in late 2003. There’s probably some old html tags floating around screwing up as well. Hopefully we will fix the soon. Thank You.




AUTO BISMAL PILEDRIVER TOUR 2003 : THE DIARY AND PICTURES
Okay, here we go. four weeks later, and oh so much has changed. My name is william, sometimes I am called Stunt Rock, and I will be your tour guide so excuse all the personal discourse. It is sunday night and tomorrow it is back to the nine to five, again. I sit here and watch Purple Rain and drink Millers’ Lite. This would be the time of the year when I become breifly obsessed with Purple Rain and First Blood, trying to recapture the feeling these films gave me as a young boy. It is never the same though, once something has passed you cannot go back to the way it was. The same goes with tour, but at least we can look back and remember…




DAY ONE : FRIDAY AUGUST 29, 2003

This is me at work. I enjoy working, it provides an element of constancy that is lacking in much the rest of my life. I am an excitable, energetic go getter in the office environment. Since I was leaving for tour this day, I got really drunk the night before. No wait, I was going to do that anyways. Regardless, I look thrilled and ready to go on tour. After I got out of work at five I had to head straight to Milwaukee for a series of two shows in one night. I stopped by home and said goodbye to my hero…

He smiled, the way he always does in that frozen moment and reminded me to take it easy, and let things fall where they may. So that is what I left Illinois thinking about. Well that and I was wondering if Baseck would take a shower at all on this tour, and if Doormouse would try to use my cell phone all the time again. The drive was smooth considering the Harley festival going on in the big Milwaukee. I arrived at my managers for a pre show beverage and deucing…

This is my manager Michael. He is also one of my best friends and confidants. We had a drink at his residence. I enjoyed a Millers Lite tall can I had brought up from home. Michael had local beer, I dont remember what. After the beer I decided to walk to the all ages venue where we were to play the first official show of the tour. I had half a buzz going, which was nice. My manager decided to stay behind and await the female companions who were to arrive in time for the all ages show.

This is my view walking to the all ages venue. The bright orange light in front of me is a restaurant that local scenesters Bill and Wendy were sitting out in front of eating. They called to me and coaxed me into enjoying a beer with them. They informed me the all ages show was running behind and I could relax and have ‘just one.’ I did just that, then walked to the venue. It was a nice place, and I was able to check out all the walls since no one was in the venue. I met up with dan and darryl, we chatted, and decided to start the show, despite the turnout. You will notice there are no pictures of me playing, because I had the camera in my back pocket. so anyways. I played for the ten people there, it was fun, but my set was no good, and I chickened out on doing the stand-up I had promised. Also, I did not meet any girls at this show. Here is a picture of Dan Doormouse playing…

Dan played a really energetic set, and Darryl Baseck did a fantastic DJ collaboration along with Dans set. All in all it was a good show. We quickly sold some merch and headed to the twenty one and up venue down the road, where we foud this treat awating us out front…

What a great way to start the tour. The venue was super packed, dare I even call the show ‘Great White-esque.’ We all had a great time playing in the cramped Milwaukee fashion. Seriously, these are the best shows, the ones where you can’t move and it is nothing but energy inside the venue. After the show we went back to Illinois to rest before heading to Cinncinnatti. When we got back to my house it was five in the morning. we sat on the porch and had a beer. As we were doing this, my neighbor / landlord was awake and leaving for work. I am sure he had a laugh about us sitting on the porch drinking at five in the morning. There is no reasonable explination for that, but I like to think he understood. Anyway, so began…




DAY TWO: SATURDAY AUGUST 30, 2003
After some sleep we awoke and began to pack the car. this was a challenging task, since the Volvo we were driving in didn’t seem like it was designed for carrying three young men and a bunch of merchandise all over the east coast. So yeah, we headed south through Chicago and through indiana. For some reason in the middle of Indiana there was a man waving a flag at traffic from an overpass. You have to look close at the picture, but he is standing on the bridge. I think this is called patrotism or retirement, i’m not sure…

The first official duece dropping seemed eminent half way into the afternoon. We decided one of the roadside rest stops would be the safest bet. Dan had to take a ‘j break’ also, which proved difficult, but was semi successful. Here is dan walking into a giant bag of Doritos, a Frito Lay brand snack…

What a taste sensation. Mostly I just stood around and looked at stuff. Darryl then took the opportunity to call people on his cellular phone…

“Hey guys i’m in Indiana” he shouted to all his friends back home in Wisconsin. He then complained about his phone being on ‘roam’ and how bad his phone service is. I figured I would try out my camera a little, since I just got it two days beforehand. I felt like being arty and making comments about society and consumerism and stuff with my camera, so I took a picture of these bugs…

So yeah, that is called ‘art.’ We got back in the car and drove some more. Nothing eventful really happened, Darryl played with his Pokemon, Dan read a book about nutrition, I sort of drove and gazed off real vacantly. I think I missed being at work. Eventually we got to Cinncinnatti, and here is a picture of where we played…

It is this really cool place called the Southgate House. Back in the day some cool stuff went down there. We played in the big room, which made things a little akward since the number of people at the show was a little low. Oh yeah, but before that we set up our stuff and went across the street to the gigantic teen mega mall. We found a pizza joint with a bar and sat down to eat. I had my first official beer on the road, and despite beng a Michelob Ultra, it was delicious. Dan and Darryl were giving me wierd looks for being so eager to drink. I got all Bobby brown on them and explained that it was my perogative. The pizza was delicious, we ate it and tried to act like we weren’t all staring at all the high school girls in the mall. Okay so anyway, we went back to the show, met some people, chatted, drank, played, and had an all around good time. This was written in the bathroom, and seems to sum up touring in general…

It’s true. Then I saw an ADDICT RECORDS sticker in the stall and got excited thinking we had fans. Dan informed me that he had put it up the previous year. The sound was super quiet inside the veue. Darryl pointed this out during his set and Dan and I made fun of him for being a baby. Then I played and realized that Darryl was not being a crybaby. the sound was really quiet in the monitors or th bass bins or some technical thing I don’t understand. Dan got really voacal about this fact with the sound guy during his set. I guess he hurt the guys feelings. I felt bad for the guy and explained to dan that the guy didn’t go to community college for sound just to have some young punk lecture him on acoustics. I mean those classes cost one or one and a half hundered dollars! Then the show was over and some girl offered to put us up in her hotel. This sounded clean and exciting, so we were ready to split. I made my new straightedge friends run to the late night liqour store and pick me up some Millers’ Lite for the after party. We loaded up, and it took forever, like an hour. By the time we got to the hotel I was very concerned that my ‘beer runners’ would have been waiting too long and split. oh yeah, and they didnt have a key, and I forgot to get their cell phone number. At this point I began to panic, so I curled up in the corner and tried to fall asleep. The minutes ticked away and I tried to block out the banter of the girl, Daryl and Dan who were watching Elimidate or something. It caught my interest a few times, but alas I was to have no beer. Then suddenly there was a knock on the door. Like overfed angels with bad haircuts my two heros arrived with my medicine. The afterparty was officially on, and between Dan, Darryl, and me we finished the whole 12 pack in about one hour. It ruled. I think we gave the girl one. Then we went to sleep…




DAY THREE: SUNDAY AUGUST 31, 2003
In the morning Dan and I went to work out in the gym. Then we all went to eat with our hostess. We went to a mediterranean place and got the buffet. For some reason, Muhammed Ali really likes this place, as evident by all the pictures of him eating there….

What a suave guy, I mean he’s wearing a tie at a buffett. Ali, you are the tops! Look out, the hits keep coming…

Yeah so the food was great, and the service was funny and fast. They really know how to entertain at this restaurant. All in all we were having a really enjoyable day. We had to play an hour away in Dayton that night so we took our time and walked around. Dan insisted on getting coffee. I insisted we go to my favorite local cafe chain Starbucks. Dan wanted something a little more ‘homey.’After walking around for an hour and not finding a single cafe open, we decided to go to one of the seven Starbucks we had passed. We decided to live it up and treat ourselves to a little laptop relaxing action the small friendly cafe. I was so happy to see the local retail chain doing so well, I started to take a few pictures…

Here I am staring at the menu trying to decide what to buy, and next up is a friendly shot of Dan and I really getting into our music in Starbucks…

The above picure was taken right before Dan reminded me that I wasn’t funny and that taking picures of ourselves at Starbucks was not even cool in an ironic way. I could tell tensions where getting high, so I decided to go outside for a little air. While outside, I saw that the people of Cinncinnatti were a lot like me…

Okay after the cafe we walked around some more. We decided it was time for some press photos at this point, becuase we heard if you go to New York you can get signed to Sony or something like right away if you have a press photo. We picked out some ‘graffitti art’ to take our picture by, since ‘graffitti art’ helps to stress our ‘from the streets’ style of image brand. First up was Dan…

Looking good DJ Doormouse! I was really happy with Dan’s photo. He looks good perched against the wall, and by not looking right at the camera he seems to be saying ‘Yo, I know you are taking my photo, but I gotta keep an eye on my turf, I gotta keep my paper straight.’ Also for some reason Dan had a bunch of mustard on his shorts, which he pulls off and adds to his ‘hardcore street reputation.’ Look who’s next everybody…

That’s right! It is me, William. For my photo shoot I tried to stress the fact that I am concerned about stuff. Dan may have been portraying his street awareness, but I was trying to convey my concern for the street. It is almost like I am saying ‘i know this block is hot, but how can I change that? how can I survive on these streets and keep my family fed?’ how will I make it out the ghetto?’ Much like Jay-Z, I m figuring out the blueprint…

Well, I’m not sure what Darryl was trying to convey in his photo. I mean Dan and I convey clear messages, but Darryl seems to be conveying the fact that he was tired. Actually, he was, that is his way of saying ‘yo yo, you think im sleeping but then I move in with mad crazy sick fat energy and blow up this spot.’ yeah, that is what he is trying to say. We were so hyped about the photo shoot that we drove around and found this huge staircase. We ran up and down it like we were the motherfucking opening credits of ‘Bossom Buddies’ and shit…

The one on the left is looking down the staircase, and the one on the right is looking up it. At first I didnt think we would make it all the way down and back up again, I mean let’s face it, I have trouble making it through twelve steps…. okay. All joking aside we were having a great time. Spirts where high and we all felt relaxed. We drove around Cinncinnatti a little more, ventured into some areas where a Volvo from Wisconsin was probably not to familiar of a sight. We saw some cool stuff though. I only almost pooped my pants once on tour, and it was when Dan spottd this little jem for me…

Can you believe that? I wanted to take te billboard home. Colt 45 is such a fine malt liquor, one of my favorites. I find its full bodied flavor was embodied perfectly in this bilboard. My dream job is to work in the advertising department for Colt 45. Anyways, then we found the place where all your happy childhood dreams went to die…

Yeah, remember how much fun you used to have riding that thing? Now look where it winds up. I guess the main complaint is that if you are going to be a storage facility for abandoned happy memories, get a fence kids can’t see through. I mean you might as well put a big sign in the street that says ‘Hey kids: you will not be happy very much longer, soon reality will sink in’ or something. Okay sorry, this is a tour journal. After this place we headed to Dayton. We drove around the outskirts of Dayton and found a drive in theatre. We wanted to see a movie but then remembered we had to play a show for a bunch of dudes. The venue in Dayton seemed like an allright place, and suprisingly, a satisfactory amount of people showed up. Even Lynn, the promoter from Cinncinnatti came up to see what happens when a show goes alright. Here are some pictures…

Oh yeah, we were drinking a lot at this show. Things got sort of chaotic. Darryl got mad and left the tour for five minutes, I took over and filled in nicely. Darryl changed his mind and came back, then the place got awesomely rocked…

Yeah, it got pretty nutty. After the show we wet back to the place we were staying, watched movies and partied. I passed out, Dan went jogging, and Darryl got drunkerer. All in all Dayton was pretty nice, even though it seemed like the only fun thing the kids did there was drop out of high school, deliver pizza, and get girls pregnant.




DAY FOUR: MONDAY SEPTEMBER 1, 2003
Okay so we woke up at Dayton, relaxed for a while, and then planned the route to Pittsburgh for a day off. In Dayton we had to eat at Subway, which was kind of making me feel l ike I should be at lunch break at work, so once gain I started to get homesick for work. Here is my summary of Dayton in picture…

My thoughts exactly. Anyway, it was rainy and shitty the whole drive to Pittsburgh, now I know what Kurt Cobain must have felt like. The drive was pretty mellow. A bunch more shitty truck stops. I began to wonder where the armwrestling tables where in all these rest stops, since in my favorite film ‘Over the Top’ they seemed to be everywhere. Perhaps we just didn’t look like we could handle the competition. Here was one intersting thing form the drive to Pittsburgh…

That was one of like five rolled over SUV’s on the highway. At this point I could say something prolific about that fact, but who cares really. Okay so then we got to Pittsburgh and went to Xanopticon’s rental property. We cooked a little dinner, watched some movies, and I sat in the corner and pouted cause no one wanted to go out drinking, and all Xanopticon had was Mike’s Hard lemonade. Holy cow, I just realized there wasn’t much to this Monday off, it was okay though, I guess I just didnt see too much worth photographing. We did stop at the HUSTLER store, which was kind of like what porno shops would be like if they were owned by Target. Friendly service in the beat off environment kind of throws me off and makes it hard to concentrate.




DAY FIVE: TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 2, 2003
The morning in Pittsburgh was nice. We had no show Tuesday night, so we planned on once again ‘taking it easy.’ This is what you see when you wake up in Pittsburgh…

I swear all the houses are like 6 inches from each other. Oh, and the house next to Ryans has been being painted for the past three years, so if he leaves his house he has to walk under two big ladders. Thankfully none of us are to suspicious about bad luck. We went and ate in Pittsburgh, tried to shop at the used record store which was closed, and then decided to go to the new shopping development along the river or as I like to call it ‘The White Flight Homoginization Mecca.’ See wealthy white people like to shop at the same place wherever they go, this way they don’t have to make descisions about their life, that way they never have to give up being dissatisfied. I live in the middle of all this stuff back home, and I am sure you do too, so I felt right at home. It also made me feel like once again I was on lunch break from work. See they have all the stores wealthy people know and love…

They had a The Gap, an Abercrombie and Fitch, a Pacific Sunwear, and that one ‘urban clothing’ store I forget the name of. They also had a Starbucks right in the center, like a temple or church, or Mecca. no wait, the Mecca gear was for sale at the ‘urban apparel’ outlet, my fault. I took Dans picture as he walked by the Starbucks and he once again yelled at me for ‘not being funny.’ I think I deleted it though. We went to the Mega Multi Plex and saw Jason versus Freddy. We kind of thought it would be fun, and we bought Xanopticon Ryans ticket since he had already seen it. That movie was almost as dissapointing as the time I sent out a bunch of demos and the only person that called back was Dan Doormouse… just kidding. Seriously, it was not good. I can’t wait for the sequel, and I can believe Ryan sat through that movie twice. Also, if you paid like forty exta dollars, you could drink beer at the theatre. We didn’t splurge. So the movie sucked, but we were having a fabulous time. We got some dinner to cook at home and then got some much needed beer. The beer buying situation was a little odd in Pittsburgh, I got super confused with the ‘beer vendor’ thing. then we settled in for a nice night of cooked food, frosty beer, and movies. It was a great night. we all got drunk on Harp, since that is what I grabbed in a panic, and chilled. Can you beleive you are reading this? What a bunch of boring crap. Okay, big apple here we come…




DAY SIX: WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 3, 2003
So we left Pittsburgh with clear heads and bowels, ready to take on the Big Apple. We had our press kits ready and were going to head straight for Sony or Epic, but the weather sucked, as did the drive. We deuced in the shadiest truck stop yet, and once again there wasn’t an arm wrestling tables to be found. It rained and rained once again….

Oh yeah, on the way into town we saw Darryl’s favorite DJ was still doing gigs somewhere right befor New Jersey. He seemed to have a residency at a local gas station…

See it says DJ Beverage, so therefore it is funny and/or ironic. Anyway, we got to New York and got really lost, but eventually found the place we were staying it. We met up with the ‘Broklyn Beats Crew’ and headed to the venue. New York was big. We playd at Tonic for the monthly barreled event. People were buying copies of REGRET 2 for some reason, I have yet to figure that one out, but I think Dan sold a record ten (10) copies in one night. We played, and had a lot of fun. It was really fun when the speaker kept turning off while I was playing. I did a lot of standup in New York, but the crowd wasn’t to receptive. They also didn’t like that fact that Dan didn’t play the 6 year old song “BEER Theme’for forty five minutes straight. Apparently that is what they thought he was supposed to do. I guess progress just ain’t the way to go, despite what progressing makes you think. I shat you not I did not put this here…

Someone was obviously unhappy with their purchase. It was a good show, and Duran Duran Duran got me drunk on Vodka and Orange-gina in the back of the club. We went back home and partied hard until the wee hours. I had the most to drink as usual. Oh, the ‘Broklyn Beats Crew’ were really nice. I got along famously with Crito. We walked and got sandwiches at 4 am and I was so confused I had to get him to tell the checkout guy what I wanted. Dan got so out of control he was sprinkling water on a passed out Darryl. Now that is what I call hardcore!…




DAY SEVEN: THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 4, 2003
This is the morning….

Dan tried to act intelectual on tour by reading books, but he wasn’t fooling anyone, I mean come on, that is the book VICE magazine put out. He might as well be reading MAXIM because VICE and MAXIM are the exact same magazine. Here is me after too many beers, but notice, no hangover…

Okay so that day we went out to eat with Jason Donna Summer, he showed us around and took us shopping. I got really mad becuase we went to this junk strore that had tons of vinyl in the basement. I was really stoked until he told me it was all out of order. This is a picture of one of the five aisles…

What the fuck are you supposed to do with this? How the hell can you make any sense out of all this vinyl out of order. Fuck all that digging in the crates shit, I want at least alphabetical, it doesn’t have to be super organized but come on. Anyway, we all bought some stuff. Then Jason abruptly left us back at Broklyn Beats HQ because he had to give his wife a hot beef injection. There were no beef injections for us, instead this is what we should have named the tour…

Ah graffiti art, master P was right when he said there ain’t no limit! I m glad to see things with graffiti progressing. I never realy enjoyed the color and flair. I think this is probably the single brightest statement I have ever seen written on a wall. In that ’something written on a wall’ type of way. Oh, and most of them are probably on both sides, it’s called compromise, deal with it…

Okay so yeah, that night, day seven, was a night off in the big city. after Jason Summer ditched us in favor of going to work at the meat packing factory, we went to eat at some vegitarian place. It was nice, Dan was about to poop him self, intentionally this time, becuase the menu was so off the hook with fake meat food. I drank beer and ate some pasta, darryl had uhhh, I forget what darryl and dan had. We hung out at tonic again and then went somewhere else, and then somewhere else, I think that is what they call ‘clubbin.’ Eventually we picked up Allison, a friend of Dans baby’s momma. Allison had just moved to the city and was eager to see our stapping yet road weary faces. She had to work early in the morning but wanted to go get several two dollar pabst’s back in Brooklyn. We picked up our host Crito back at Tonic and decided to hike across the Williamsburgh Bridge. This sounded fun in concept, but after four to five Budwiesers and/or Millers Lite, I was very concerned about my ‘urnination needs’ on what I estimated to be a 30 minute hike, despite Critos’ ‘Hey it only take ten minutes’ claim. As we entered the bridge, I saw a sign that I know my manager McBacon back in Milwaukee would appreciate…

See, he would like this sign because he likes reflective signs. Yeah. Anyway, one side of the bridge walkway seemed closed, but we walked down it anyways. After we were over the bridge the path was blocked and we had to turn around and go back to the halfway-walkway and switch to the open side. As you can guess, I was in dire need of some relief, but I kept quiet and trugged on. Okay, I don’t even know why I am witng this, I should probably be re-doing the website or finishing the new art for the releases. I mean jesus do you know how ‘busy’ I act like I am half the time to people, what a dick! Yet I sure seem to have plenty of time to write shitty little condescending remarks about or culturally irrelevant and blatantly self deceptive tour. God Dammit. Here is Crito getting drunk…

Words words words, smart-alec coment, smart-alec comment, hey! Dan getting drunk…

Hey look words words words, oh, big fucking suprise, me getting drunkerer…

Darryl getting drunk…

All of us, minus Darryl, and including the lovely Allison getting drunk…

Okay, so there, that was New York at night, big deal.




DAY EIGHT: FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 5, 2003
Oh yeah, before I got in a bad mood typing, I forgot to show you this final piece of masterful New York graffiti art…

Anyway, then came morning. During our last day in NY, we went and sold some merch, walked around and ate with our lovely hostess Doily and then went to Jason Summers’s for a barbeque…

Here are jason and Dan ‘talking about the scene.’ Jason seemed really tired, he later informed me he was up all night working third shift at the meat packing facility. That joke is getting new. We had a lovely barbeque, Jason gave me a real beef injection that my vegitarian captors had been depriving me of, and then we headed to New Jersey for the show. We arrived a little late, but got unloaded and settled with our host, annoying internet personality ‘Machine’ who was more than delightful. Jason arrived shortly thereafter and took me to buy beer. If there is one way into my heat, it is a cheery face willing to drive me to get booze. The party was pretty packed with guys playing video games. In fact, picure the most internet nerd dude packed party you have ever been to, add a soundsystem, and boom, it is like you where at the show. Some odf these dorks had name tags that said ‘Hi I am so and so from the such and such internet board.’ Actually, it was a blast. Darryl got his proper swerve on front porch style in a chair he claimed for his own…

Aww yeah aw yeah, you know how we do it. We were all up in that piece, chatting and drinking. Several opening acts played, all good sets, I forget names. Then came time for the action. For a bunch of dudes, it was probably the most energetic show we played at, that or I was already really drunk. The crowd ruled…

Darryl spun his ass off and made the dudes plenty hot and sweaty. I began my set with me ever expanding stand up act. I did ten minutes on Jason Summer, I think he was a real good sport and had a lot of fun. Here he is enjoying his ‘roast’…

i think he is just acting hard in that picure so he doesn’t lose his ‘alecempire-esque’ image. Dan thought it would be funny to shave his beard on stage. Unfortunatly, beer plus Darryl equals…

Whoops! That’s okay Darryl, we’ll take care of that later. I decided to help darryl fix his hair, but somewhere along the way I got lost and remembered I had been meaing to shave my chest…

The party was officially on, even Duran Duran Duran couldn’t resist seeing the hot guy on guy shaving action on stage…

Oh yeah was it getting hot in there! By hot I mean homo-erotic. Anyway, Dan jammed it out and shaved his beard…

Things in general got really nutty. Then suddenly we were done. I realized we didn’t do the best job with Darryls head or my chest or Ed’s chest, but hey, Sausage Party! The aftermath…

DJ Pink Box even looks worn out! Yeah so everyone split, we went and had some sort of bizarre pizza taste test at the shitty corner pizza joints, I couldn’t tell you who won if we tried, I just remember they both tasted like leather. Really good drunken food leather too! Darryl tried to represent and get his chair back, but this dude wasn’t moving…

Yo old dude wouldn’t have put up with that on home turf, but hey, ’nuff respect. Oh yeah, there was this board in the basement…

Not sure what to make of it, maybe that is a document of every girl that has ever been in the house, EVER, like since the forties and stuff. We dropped like a morning deuce on some couches and passed out until…




DAY NINE: SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 6, 2003
In the morning really need some food. We found a good joint that served big ass burritos. The service was a super friendly lady named Maria, she even called Darryl ‘honey’ and ignored his hair, probably because he was a mexican…

Yeah. My chest looked like a giant chemical burn to boot. So whatever, we ate, I fought off any hangover, but Darryl was not doing so hot. He just seemed really confused and out of it. We love that kid a lot, but seriously, this was the look he had on his face the whole second half of the tour…

He is either about to poop, or seriously re-evaluating things. Come on Darryl, relax man, we love ya, it’s a tour, sit back and enjoy the ride. The coming elections are nothing to be concerned of at this point. Things will work themselves out. Remember, life is just a series of dissapointment we convince ourselves into thinking are partial victories. Okay so it was on to Pittsburgh. Dan drove, we sort of sat quietly and all meditated. It was reaxing, and I think in all we all were happy with how the tour was going, but a little exhausted….

Oh, and I wish someone would have told me my hair was sticking up all wierd in the back all friggin’ tour. Thanks a lot dicks…

But hey, it was all in fun. Okay, since this is a tour journal, I think it would be cool to put some pictures of us playing in it. We got to the venue, went to eat with Xanopticon, bought some beer, and went back to the venue. The venue was a big coffe place, which sounded lame, then I was informed it is legal to bring your own beer inside the venue. What the fuck? that sounds like heaven to me. Everyone was drunk on their own supply, it ruled. Some high school age punk/nu-metal bands opened up for us, it was okay, but I didn’t really understand why they had young kids obvioulsy underage perform crappy punk covers before us. Anway, Darryl spun. I met a new friend named Chris, and we chatted it up outside and he got me really drunk. Good job new friend! Then I played. I did tons of standup. it went great, I even let the little kids from the opening act up to try to ‘roast’ me. Good job guys, hopefuly next time I come through I can give you some material to roast me with, since you guys seemed to be more adept at playing other peoples stuff and not doing your own original material…. just kidding. I was drunk and spilled almost a whole beer on the laptop, it stayed on and continued playing, this will come into play later. Dan played after me, and did super good job, so much so, that he kept taking breaks to pee. Here are pics from the rocking performance…

Darryl spinning.

My new drunk friend Chris.

That one guy.

Me ‘playing.’

Dan playing.

Those one dudes.

Dan playing again.

Dan still playing.

All those other dudes.

Ed Skimall, our sleeping quarters host.
It was a great show. Seriously, all the people we made fun of, we love you. You all made the night worthwhile and were excellent participants. So Eds sister was getting married at some huge hotel and he took us back to his room. It was huge and we had a bunch of wine form the wedding. That Skimall family really knows how to go all out for the weddings, we had all this leftover condiments and crap to eat, it was great. Back to the hotel pictures…

Dan drinking the wine and watching Elimidate. Me taking another picture of myself, conceited ass…

Ed in bed with friends…

I passed out, Dan and Ed stayed up and learned about Yawhew ben Yawhew or something, I saw ten minutes of it and was so confused I dropped…

That was about the last thing I remember until the morning.




DAY TEN: SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 7, 2003
Dan stayed up all night I think, he had some funny story about going to get the continental breakfast and getting asked to leave cause he had no shoes on. He seemed pretty tired, so I decided to drive to Detroit. After Pittsburgh we felt really good, and were ready for the superb treatment I have heard we always get in detroit. Before we left we went and ate at some bagel shop, good stuff. Dan noticed this…

i bet there is a good story there, I am sure it may involve booze. So everybody was still tired, we hit the road, stopped and pooped, no arm wrestling tables once again. There was a chick walking across the street and I was staring at her, then I realized she had a REGRET INSECURITY shirt on. It was sort of exciting, but not really. On the drive Darryl slept…

Dan also slept, ain’t he cute…

With Dan asleep, I took my opportunity to break the Starbucks ban…

That is a Starbucks brand coffee stirrerer in my mouth. Just like Judas Priest said. When we got to Detroit, we met up with the irritatingly elusive J$ and headed to the venue. Dan said this place was good. Immediatly I was served free beer and we got free good ass pizza, not that shitty bar pizza shit, this was the bomb. If for any reson you go to Detroit, got to the 3rd street saloon. Okay so the opening acts played, there was a good amount of people, we were drinking for free, everything seemed cool. Oh yeah wait, I set up to play and my laptop wouldn’t even go on. It was at that point I remembered the copious amount of beer I spilled directly onto the keyboard the night before came into play. See, if this ever comes up, don’t pour beer on your laptop. I had the worst set of the night, I couldn’t even get the other replacement laptop to play my shitty buned cds. I was able to tell a few jokes, but I was so concerned with playing that I didn’t do my a list material. Alas I finished in Detroit in shambles, so I went and sat at the bar with J$ and talked about heavy metal music. We really hit it off and chatted it up for quite a bit…

It kind of looks like one of those pictures you get taken with your first girlfriend at the t-shirt stand at the mall. Then I got the courage to go take some pictures of Dan playing…

After the show we went back to J$ place to sleep. In the parking garage, I shat you not, J$ walked away towards the elevator with his car left like this…

Luckily we noticed and closed the trunk and door. Back at the place, I passed out, the boys stayed up and drank and had a J break. Then came the last day, the trip home. Oh at last I could masturbate. See I don’t know about the other guys, but I didn’t beat off all tour, and this was pretty stressful to me, being that during the nine to five work week I tend to be a three times a day type of guy. I guess I should keep all that to myself…




DAY ELEVEN: MONDAY SEPTEMBER 8, 2003
We all woke up fairly rested, and shat and showered and readied ourselves for some food. Here is Detroit…

We walked over to those big towers for a corporate luncheon at the food multi plex in the lower levels of GM. As we walked through the building, I started to miss being at work. All I wanted to do was sit at a desk and answer phones and talk to customers, but no, I was on tour. I think we all wound up eating at Subway, and the dude making the sandwiches didn’t seem to grasp the concept. If he in fact was a sandwich artist, he was into some abstract expressionist style of sandwich making that required a fork and slop bucket. After lunch, we said our goodbye and hit the road home. I think we all felt relieved, but I am pretty sure we were upset the tour was over. We all said goodbye to Dans cheerleading outfit in the middle of a parking garage in downtown Detroit…

And just like that, we were gone. This is the last picture I took, somewhere inbetween Detroit and Librteyville Illinois…

I guess just when you think things are over, well you know. So I got dropped off, gathered up my stuff, and we all hugged and said goodbye. And thus, the tour was over. I think we all learned a few things about ourselves and each other, or maybe that was just the booze. All in all, it was a great tour. Thank you to everyone that came out. Sorry about the delay in posting pics, sorry about the longwidedness and or condescending nature of the write up. Oh, and see you next year, maybe.




Sorry so sloppy,
Willy